Animal Crackers
by Its'Noelle'not'Nole'5327
Summary: Never EVER give Tamaki a Psycology textbook


Okay, so I got bored... and I wrote this. First Ouran fic!

enjoy :)

**Disclamer: **I do not own Ouran High School Host Club.

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><p><strong>Animal Crackers<strong>

"Whatcha looking at boss?" Kaoru glanced at the large textbook Tamaki was pouring over.

"It's a psychology textbook," Tamaki explained, "I want to understand people's psyche better."

"What's the point of understanding their psyche if you can already read them?" Hikaru asked, slightly bored.

"What's the point?" Tamaki stood up, aghast.

The twins raised their eyebrows.

"The inner mind," Tamaki pointed to his head, "is a private sanctum that very few have breached. It's secrets have been unknown except to the few in the field of Psychology."

The twins looked at each other in annoyance.

Tamaki puffed out his chest with importance, "I plan to conquer the mind and learn all it's secrets."

"With a psychology textbook from a high school library?" Hikaru and Kaoru said in monotone voices.

"Knowledge IS power," Tamaki said wistfully.

"But psychologists are always full of crap," Hikaru pointed out.

"And you are reading the book where their crap comes from," Kaoru nodded.

"This book isn't crap!" Tamaki hugged it defensively, "it has some very good stuff in it!"

"Sure," the twins shrugged, "if you believe in that kind of thing."

"Believe in what?" an eerie voice came from behind them.

"Gah!" Tamaki jumped on the table.

"Nekozawa-senpai?" the twins looked at the cloaked figure.

"Ah, what have we here?" Nekozawa picked up the book that was currently next to Tamaki's feet. "Psycology?"

"Y-yeah," Tamaki climbed down off the table.

The president of the black magic club stared at the book for a moment.

"Rubbish," Nekozawa tossed the book on the table.

Tamaki flinched at the sudden movement.

"All Psycology tries to do," Nekozawa crossed the room to the door, "is explain the unexplainable."

He opened the door and turned back to the three.

"I suggest cursing whoever gave you that book to make them pay for their blasphemy."

The club room door shut with an ominous thud.

"See?" Hikaru pointed to the door, "even Mr. Believe-all-dark-and-scary isn't convinced with Psychology."

Tamaki gave them one of his you-naive-little-fools smiles and picked up the book.

"I'll prove it to you," he flipped pages of the thick text, "there's an experiment in here that explains a person's personality by how they eat certain foods."

"Certain foods?" Hikaru and Kaoru looked at each other with more disbelief by the second.

"Here!" Tamaki pointed to a page, dropped the book on the table, and ran over to the host club supply room.

Hikaru and Kaoru leaned over the book.

"Animal crackers?"

Tamaki returned with a large bowl overflowing with said substance.

"What are we going to do with these?" Hikaru stared at the bowl.

"An experiment!" Tamaki declared, "we will watch as the club members eat these and see what the book says about the way they eat them!"

"Sounds boring," the twins folded their arms.

"Come on," Tamaki pleaded, "don't you want to know what's inside their minds?"

The twins exchanged glances. What was going through the heads of the other club members... It was bound to be interesting. Especially what the quieter ones thought.

"Alright," they shrugged, "why not?

[][][][][][]

The twins and Tamaki sat at a table discussing something.

"What are you guys talking about, Tono-chan?" Honey skipped up to them, eyes wide with curiosity.

Mori trailed behind him, a few feet away.

"Oh, not much Honey-senpai," Tamaki patted his head, "would you like some animal crackers?"

"Sure!" Honey took a handful and popped one in his mouth.

"Would you like some Mori-senpai?" Tamaki offered the bowl.

Mori looked at the contents of the bowl for the longest time.

"No," he shook his head.

Honey skipped happily away, Mori faithfully following him.

The three watched until their seniors were out of range, then pounced on the textbook that was currently hidden under the table.

"Okay, look up what eating one whole is," Kaoru instructed.

"I'm looking, I'm looking," Tamaki flipped pages, "here. 'One who eats their crackers whole likes to keep people thinking that they are simple minded, when in fact, are very smart'."

Tamaki and the twins looked up from the book.

"That's utter crap!" Hikaru exclaimed, "what if the person IS a simpleton? Wouldn't he eat the cookie whole?"

"'A simpleton would eat more than one cracker at the same time'."

"I guess it makes sense," Kaoru rubbed his chin, "I mean, Honey does act like a child for the host club."

The three watched as Hani laughed and smiled while a couple guests started gushing at his cuteness.

"Okay," Hikaru turned back to Tamaki, "what does the book say about not eating any at all?"

Tamaki glanced down the list, "'not eating animal crackers usually means the person finds the crackers to embody the animals too well and can't stand the thought of eating something that looks like a cute creature'."

Tamaki looked up from the book with a shocked face.

"It's so true! Mori-senpai loves animals!" Tamaki said, amazed.

"Or he could just not like animal crackers," the twins looked at each other.

"What are you guys doing?" a voice said from behind them.

"Haruhi!" Tamaki turned and hid the book behind his back.

"Tamaki-senpai," Haruhi raised her eyebrows.

"Hey Haruhi," Hikaru leaned on her, "would you like some animal crackers?"

"Sure," she picked up a few.

She bit the cookie in half and then ate the other half.

"Wow, these are good," Haruhi blinked.

"The host club only serves the best," Tamaki nodded in satisfaction."Take some more if you want."

Haruhi nodded and took a few more. Then she went to service some customers.

"The book! The book!" Kaoru hissed.

They opened the book to the right page. Tamaki scanned the text.

"'When a person bites an animal cracker in half they prefer to keep things simple and deal with problems effectively. They are most likely blunt to a fault'."

The twins and Tamaki exchanged glances.

"So like Haruhi."

"You know," Kaoru sat down in his chair again, "maybe that book isn't full of trash."

"Yeah," Hikaru agreed, "I was skeptical at first, but this book seems pretty spot on."

"I told you guys, didn't I?" Tamaki beamed, "Psychology can't fail."

"Tamaki, why aren't you entertaining any guests?"  
>Kyoya walked up, writing on his notepad.<p>

"But I don't have any for another ten minutes," Tamaki told him.

"And you two?" Kyoya pointed his pen at the twins.

"Just finished up 30 minutes ago," they said togther.

"Very well," Kyoya wrote something down on his pad.

Kyoya noticed the bowl of animal crackers on the table. He took one.

Kyoya walked a distance to another table where his laptop was located and typed something with his free hand.

The twins and Tamaki watched carefully. In all honesty, they had never seen Kyoya eat a cookie much less an animal cracker.

Without paying attention, Kyoya took a bite of the cookie. The three blanched.

"He bit off the legs!"

But Kyoya didn't stop there. He bit off the head. Tamaki, Hikaru, and Kaoru turned pale.

Kyoya finished off the cookie.

"D-do they have that?" Kaoru asked nervously, hoping to not get an answer.

Tamaki turned the page with sweat rolling down his face.

"'W-when the person bites off the legs of the cracker, said person has a tendency to incapacitate anyone who stands in the way'," Tamaki stated nervously.

"Well that sounds very... Kyoya," Kaoru tried with fake calmness.

"There's more," Tamaki's eyes got wider, "'if the person also bites off the head then eats the body, there may be psychotic tendencies of being dominant over others, even if it means working in the background to make their way up the chain of power'."

The twins exchanged nervous glances. The group peered over their chairs at Kyoya. He was typing on his laptop.

"T-that book must be full of trash," Hikaru pointed at the book.

"Y-yeah," Tamaki stared at it, "it shouldn't even be in the library."

The twins nodded in agreement and went hunting for a deep trash can to throw the book in.

[][][][][][]

The next day, Haruhi walked into the club room.

"Hey Tamaki-senpai," she greeted him.

He jumped at the sound of his name.

"Oh, it's just you Haruhi," Tamaki wiped his forehead.

"Just me?" Haruhi asked, irritated.

"I'm trying avoid someone," Tamaki whispered nervously to her.

"Who?" Haruhi tilted her head.

Tamaki was about to answer, but the answer walked up to them.

"Hey Kyoya!" Tamaki said with false cheeriness, "sorry, but I have to go."

He walked away as quickly as he could.

"Senpai is acting very weird today," Haruhi stated.

_When is he not?_thought Kyoya, "I found a book he had left in the trash. I was going to give it to him, but I suppose he doesn't want it."

"A book?" Haruhi glanced up at Kyoya.

He nodded, "a Psychology textbook to be exact."

"Oh," Haruhi watched as one of the girls approached a nervous Tamaki.

"Psycology is a bunch of trash in my opinion," Kyoya fixed his glasses.

"Why do you say that?" Haruhi asked him.

"It's a bunch of useless tests to try to make sense of why humans do what they do," Kyoya explained, "next thing you know they will be trying to use animal crackers to interpret somebody's personality."

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><p>FIN! Please Review and Critique!<p>

Thanks :)


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